desire. the heart of the matter...

What do you want?

No...not the surface stuff...

like a shiny new car, a few sparkling jewels,

seven or eight hours of uninterrupted sleep

(a shout-out to all you mommies of little ones!),

a gourmet meal or maybe just some Taco-Bell,

or an extended vacation to an exotic beach

where your very own cabana boy serves you

an endless run of fruity umbrella drinks...

(Sweet Husband rocks an Aloha shirt...just sayin')

What do you really desire...your heart's desire?

Paul Tripp says in Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands,

"What controls our hearts will exercise inescapable influence

over our lives and behavior...whatever rules our hearts will

control our behavior."

I've been pondering and sifting through my desires lately,

and I must say...they are very heart revealing.

You see, Sweet Husband and I have been going through a

care group leader training class called "Equipped."

Our church is rather large and there is no way the pastors

can provide individual care for each and every member.

So...we have care groups...led by church members

who have been trained through the "Equipped" class.

Let me say from the jump...

I leave each meeting realizing how unequipped

I am to provide care...

as at each class meeting we learn how to most effectively

care for the people who might one day be in our care group.

In what ways am I "unequipped"?

Well...I'm selfish, critical, prideful, rebellious, impatient, unteachable...

just to name a few.

Now...these did not come as a surprise.

These are sins I battle every day in some form or fashion.

What has set me "pondering and sifting," though,

is the way I've been frustrated with my sin...yet...

not really wanting to mortify, or kill, my sin...

which is evident when I dig below the surface to reveal

the true desire of my heart.

Now...desire is a good thing.  God created us to desire.

But, when my desires grow and begin to rule and control my heart

they are no longer good, but sinful.

I am then desiring to rule my own kingdom, which "is in direct conflict

with the King who has come to rule in [my] heart."  (P. Tripp)

So...what does it look like when my sinful desires rule my heart?

I am angry.

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this,

that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so

you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive,

because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."  (James 4:1-3)

I am critical.  I am a self-righteous gossip and slanderer.

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not

notice the log that is in your own eye?"  (Luke 6:41)

"When words are many, transgression is not lacking,

but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."  (Proverbs 10:19)

I am prideful.

"For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul,

and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the LORD.

In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him,

all his thoughts are, 'There is no God.'"  (Psalm 10:3-4)

I am self-centered, self-absorbed, self-possessed.

"And [Jesus] said, 'What comes out of a person is what defiles him.

For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual

immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit,

sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness."  (Mark 7:20-22)

So...how do I mortify or put to death these sinful desires

and cultivate desire as God intended?

I believe the answer is found here...

"For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear

good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not

gathered from thorn bushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble

bush.  The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces

good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil..."

(Luke 6:43-45)

It's all about treasure.  What do I treasure in my heart?

Do I treasure my space, my time, my self, my thoughts, my words,

my ambitions, my image, my reputation, my...my...my...

If I'm treasuring myself...the fruit of my life will be all about me...

evidenced by complaining, criticizing, gossiping, coveting,

deceiving, envying, hating, philandering, lying.

"Wretched [woman] that I am! Who will deliver me from this body

of death?"  (Romans 7:24)

This is typically where the battle can cease.  I'll feel overwhelmed,

exhausted, spent...and put the final victory lap off until another day.  

But, what God has been gently reminding me of is...

while the skirmishes are hard...sanctification (being conformed to the image

of Christ) is painful...the war has already been won on a

blood-splattered cross where Jesus died so I could live...really live...

out of the good news, hope, grace and mercy of the gospel.

This is where true satisfaction is found...where lasting treasure abides...

where desire reaps life instead of destruction.

Jesus said, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  

(Matthew 6:21)

...thus, in turn...

"...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."  

(Matthew 12:34b)

So, as we're learning in "Equipped" to effectively care for people,

I'm reminded that effective and lasting care is not in coddling words

and quick solutions neatly bound and tied with a Bible verse and prayer.

It is about a humble repentance...a work of the Holy Spirit in each of us... 

to get to the heart of the matter...

What am I treasuring more than Christ...

What am I believing instead of the gospel...

What do I really desire...my heart's desire?

“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still.”  A. W. Tozer    

(prayer by A. W. Tozer found here)

    

we're goin' to the zoo. how about you...

When our kids were little
they used to love to watch
"Sharon, Lois & Bram's Elephant Show".


One of their songs, of which there were many,
made its way to the forefront of my mind
last Saturday as we prepared
to take Hudson to the Knoxville Zoo.


"We're goin' to the zoo...zoo...zoo...
How about you...you...you?"


We sang and bounced and sang and bounced...
all the way to the zoo!

Here's the little man about the enter the zoo... 

I think he was feeling a little overwhelmed.

We saw this white alligator.

It looked like it was made of wax...kinda creepy!!

Not really sure about looking up for the red panda...

the creatures running around outside the cages

were pretty darn fascinating!

Oh...there's that red panda!

We found "Elephant"...

but, Sharon, Lois and Bram were hiding from us!

He made it through with flying colors!

It's official...he's decided to help mind the zoo...

...after he rests up, that is.

We're tuckered from the zoo...zoo...zoo...

Whew!

Jesus lives. and so shall i...

What a glorious time of worship we enjoyed at Cornerstone Church of Knoxville this Resurrection Sunday!  Passionate singing about Christ...unashamed proclaiming the gospel of Christ...remembering Christ through the sacrament of communion...it was indeed a foretaste of glory divine!  Below are a couple of quotes our pastor referred to this morning...and a couple of songs we sang that I found particularly encouraging.

“The claim of resurrection is vital to Christianity.
If Christ has been raised from the dead by God,
then He has the credentials and certification
that no other religious leader possesses.
Buddha is dead.  Mohammed is dead.
Moses is dead.  Confucius is dead.
But, according to Christianity, Christ is alive!”
RC Sproul

“The New Testament does not end with the death of Christ;
it does not end with the triumphant words of
Jesus on the Cross, “It is finished.”
The death was followed by the resurrection,
and the resurrection like the death was for our sakes.
Jesus rose from the dead into a new life of glory and power,
and into that life He brings those for whom He died.
The Christian, on the basis of Christ’s redeeming work,
not only has died unto sin, but also lives unto God.”
J. Gresham Machen

he was wounded. i am healed...

The Lord has been gracious to me
during this season of preparation...
as I've reflected on the incredible cost to the Father
in the giving of his Son to suffer for my sin
so that I could be forgiven
and saved from the Father's just wrath...

...as well as the incredible cost to the Son
obeying the Father by enduring the cross
to die my deserved death shrouded by the Father's wrath
so that I could live clothed in his righteousness.

...the punishment of God on God has brought me peace.
 (from When Love Came Down to Earth by Stuart Townend)

This was the Scripture I meditated on this morning...

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.


All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
(Isaiah 53:4-6)

...and this is the song I can't stop singing...

ruth and bob. some fine teachers...

“Remember the days of old; consider the years long past. 
Ask your father, and he will tell you, your elders, and they will teach you.” 
(Deuteronomy 32:7)


Yesterday Sweet Husband and I had the privilege of participating in
"Serving Knoxville As One"...a time when area church's join together
and serve the city of Knoxville...in a vast variety of ways...
some by collecting food at grocery stores for the food bank,
some by hosting a baby shower for moms-to-be at a crisis pregnancy center,
some by performing basic maintenance of single-moms' cars,
some by loving on and playing with homeless children at Water Angels
(a ministry to the homeless)...
just to give you an idea of some of the ways people were serving.


Our daughter administered some 25 volunteers at Brakebill Nursing Home,
and she had asked Sweet Husband and me
to serve there by making music with the residents.
So...we loaded up the keyboard and a couple of hymnals
(knowing how much older folks LOVE old hymns)
and we headed to Brakebill Nursing Home...
and what a grand time awaited us!!


We met Ms. Ruth...
a petite lady who requested "Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross."
During a break in singing I had the opportunity to visit with Ms. Ruth
and found her to be a gracious and gentle woman,
very well-spoken and beautifully elegant, 
in spite of the effects of arthritis and eighty-eight years.
She grew up in Massachusetts, married and had children,
and was a member of an Episcopal church.
Ten years ago her husband passed away and
three years ago her children deemed it time for her to relocate to Knoxville.
As we chatted Ms. Ruth obviously enjoyed recounting her life's pilgrimage,
which had included much grief, pain and sorrow.
There was a striking absence of bitterness and regret. 
There was, instead, a beautiful smile, a sparkle in her eyes, 
and a quick answer to each and every question I threw at her.
When I inquired as to her request of that particular hymn, 
"Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross,"
she shared a story I wasn't quite expecting...
Years ago she had an 18 year old son who drowned in a river.
The hymn's lyrics comforted her and helped her to go on
in the face of such deep sorrow...particularly the final phrase...
"'til my ransomed soul shall find rest beyond the river."
Of course, by the time she finished I was a puddle...
and, she just cupped her arthritic-drawn hand and gently touched my cheek,
as if to comfort and assure me that all was well.


We also met Mr. Bob...
once a tall man, I'm sure, though now unable to straighten himself upright.
Mr. Bob was the song-request king...always pulling out another song
from his seemingly endless mental repertoire.
He requested "Love Lifted Me," "His Eye Is On the Sparrow,"
"It Is Well With My Soul," "The Lord's Prayer," "Victory In Jesus,"...
just to name a few...I even heard some harmony every now and then!
As we were preparing to leave, I inquired of another gentleman
how long he had lived in Knoxville.  "All my life," he said.
I asked him if he knew my father-in-law...a retired policeman...
who had also grown up in Knoxville...and he said, "No."
But...Mr. Bob told my husband that he knew my father-in-law.
They were in the same class at Young High School...
and he even pointed to the back of his wheelchair
where Sweet Husband found a Young High School banner!


These are only two of the close to thirty or forty people we met
during our time at Brakebill Nursing Home...
each of them a wealth of knowledge and life experiences...
each of them a daughter or son, possibly a wife or husband,
employee or employer, musician or athlete, artist or analyst,
each of them a living being created in the image of God.


That is most likely what they hope we of the "outside world" remember...
they are people...they are an invaluable part of our society...
they are reflections of God's enduring and unfailing love...
they are living testimonies of perseverance and grace...
they have so much to offer...and they are eager to share.


Sweet Husband and I are already planning a return visit 
to sing some more songs with Mr. Bob
and to delve into Ms. Ruth's seemingly flawless memory bank.
Brakebill Nursing Home, it turns out, is one of the foremost schools on life
(as is probably each nursing home in the world!)
and among its residents some of the finest teachers.
May we be eager to learn from them!

speechless. that's all...

As Thabiti Anyabwile said on his blog..."This left me speechless."

"TO SHOW THE MAGNITUDE OF HIS MERCY"



You can read more about Vertus Welborn and this documentary here.

not by might. but by my Spirit, says the Lord...

This is very, very good...


Confessions of a Conflicted Complementarian
by Wendy Alsup for the Desiring God blog

I was raised in conservative Christianity and had visions of what my life would look like if I made the good Christian choices that good Christian girls were supposed to make. I thought a lot about the Proverbs 31 wife and didn't chafe against the expectations.

Then I collected a closet full of bridesmaid gowns with no wedding dress in sight. For a time, I was convinced that I would never get married, which in my construct of the Christian woman, left me void of any hope for meaningful existence. It was the darkest time of my life.

Finally Married! (But. . .)

I did get married before I worked that all out in my head but was faced with similar depression when I miscarried our first child and then struggled through a season of infertility. Once again, my view of God's plan for women didn't transcend marriage and children, and I was shaken as I faced the prospect of life without them.

After I had kids, I looked around at the godly women in my life. So few looked like my earlier naive notions of the good Christian woman. Were their life circumstances mistakes? Were they doomed to substandard application of Biblical instructions to women because of the way their life had turned out? 

Complementarianism to the Rescue?

During this time, I sat under much teaching on women's issues, mostly from a complementarian perspective. I embraced it, but I found that Paul's analysis of the law in 2 Corinthians 3:6 was correct: “who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”

Though teachers and authors painted Biblical instructions to women as beautiful things, speaking of them with an upbeat, happy tone of voice, I just felt condemnation. It wasn't because I didn't value what I did in my home or thought my children and husband were a lesser calling than ministry outside of my home. It was because I couldn't do those things on my own. Presenting Scripture's mandates to women as good things to happily embrace in and of themselves is death. The law kills.

Scripture’s Ideals Haunted Me

Some of my friends appear to be able to keep the law on their own, and they admit to me that their problem is awful pride. However, I couldn't do it on my own. Scripture's ideals haunted me. They hung over my head, and I felt condemned by the way they were presented to me by well meaning teachers.

Apart from the gospel.

Christ paid my debt to God, but he didn't just bring my spiritual bank account to zero. Christ's righteous life was then credited to my account. I went from being a prisoner with a sentence against them they could never pay off to a child of the king with all the resources that come with that position in God's household. 

My Head Lifts

In Christ, instead of feeling condemned by the law's standard, I can lift my head. I can look at Scripture's words to women, even the annoying Proverbs 31 wife, not with condemnation, but with hope and inspiration. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Yes, that is a great ideal. No, I can't make it happen myself. Instead of hiding from God in condemnation or despising her as an unattainable standard, I turn to God in my need and find grace and mercy. In Christ, I can boldly access my Father in heaven and avail myself of his resources. My friends at other stages of life and those experiencing painful circumstances different from mine give testimony of the same hope in the gospel. 

Personalizing Paul’s Prayers

I am learning to personalize Paul's prayer at the end of Ephesians 1, “God, open my eyes to the hope of my calling, my inheritance in you, and the power at work in me—the very same power that rose Christ from the dead. I can't do this on my own, and any virtue that blesses my friends or family is purely by your grace. Help me. Apart from you, I can do nothing.” Then, when I go to bed that night and actually note some way I did bless my family or my friends, I know exactly who accomplished this thing for me, and I can praise him for his glorious grace, not myself for my self discipline or innate wisdom.

It's only meditation on the gospel and then availing myself of my access to the throne of grace it provides that I move from condemnation to hope on any issue.

In my next post, we’ll consider how my experience of desiring God further shaped my understanding of gospel-centered womanhood.

Wendy Alsup is a wife and mom who loves math and theology. She is the author ofPractical Theology for Women and By His Wounds You Are Healed. She blogs atwww.theologyforwomen.org.