"be not wise in your own eyes. fear the LORD..."

Do you ever see your heart and think, "BLECH!!!"? God is gracious to show me my heart at the most opportune times and only because of his grace do I eventually respond, "BLECH!!!" Yes, "eventually"...can you say..."stubborn"?

This past Thursday evening was a case in point.

We had the distinct honor and privilege of having dinner and hanging out for a couple of hours with some of our favorite friends, the Josephs.  (sorry for the poor photo quality...it's a picture of a picture...contrary to what you see...Aimee does not have a rash on the left side of her face...just felt like I needed to clarify that.)
 

The Joseph family

from l to r... Eli, Aimee, G'Joe, Tyus

Our friendship really began with G'Joe. God worked through G'Joe's love for Jesus and passion for the gospel to bring our oldest son, Josh, to salvation. It is a wonderful testimony of God's providence and G'Joe's obedience...that might be a good post for later.

Anyway...G'Joe discipled Josh during Josh's college years and then was the leader of the Campus Outreach Greenville Region while Josh was on CO staff at Furman University.  The point being...there are very, very deep spiritual waters in their relationship...such that I've never personally known...but have been privileged to witness between them.

It was during these years of friendship that God brought Aimee to G'Joe to be his wife...and since being married they have welcomed two incredibly beautiful little boys into their family...Tyus and Eli.  Yes, Aimee is their mother, though one might question that fact (some have actually asked her!) when looking at them.

So...Sweet Husband and I have had the privilege of getting to know G'Joe and Aimee because they have been much like parents to Josh...and even Meggie...before we knew her.  Meggie was in a small group led by Aimee while Meggie was a Furman student.  How thankful we are that God raised up G'Joe in Josh's life...his spiritual father...a precious brother...and faithful friend!

Back to Thursday and my disgusting heart.

I believe the root of all sin is pride.  Eve sinned because she wanted to be like God...pride. (Genesis 3)  Cain killed Abel because he was angry that God accepted Abel's sacrifice but not his own...pride. (Genesis 4: 1-9)  Moses decided to strike the rock instead of speaking to it as God had instructed him...pride. (Numbers 20: 2-13)  Peter swore he would lay down his life for Christ (John 13: 37)...right before he denied him not once but three times...pride.  (John 18: 15-18, 25-27)  Ananias and Sapphira sold some property and secretly kept some of the proceeds for themselves and then lied about doing so...pride. (Acts 5: 1-10)  The Pharisees were outwardly more religious than anyone else and were happy and quick to point out where others fell way short...pride. (Matthew 23: 1-36)  Kay Simmons wanted to impress the Josephs with her "wisdom," hoping to hear, "Good word," from them and jealous when it was only spoken to Sweet Husband...pride.  (Thursday evening)

Yes...you read that correctly.  And when I typed it I was humiliated all over again...but, this kind of humiliation is so good for my soul!!!

All the way home on Thursday evening my heart wrestled with this realization...that I wanted to be seen and heard more than I wanted to see and hear the Josephs.  I had successfully made Thursday evening all about me and I came away profoundly regretful and sad.  Oh, I had a wonderful time with G'Joe and Aimee and the boys...but, I was sickened by what God had shown me of my own heart.  BLECH!!!!!

The next morning as I met with the Lord, he was gracious to lead me to repentance and teach me through his Word.  Now, I am not a Biblical scholar by any stretch of the imagination.  So, I am filled with wonder when I go to the Lord and he is faithful to speak to me through his Word...in passages that the Holy Spirit brings to me.  That morning he took me to Proverbs 3: 6-7, which says, "Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones."

"...fear the LORD..."  That phrase jumped off the page at me and pierced my heart...I was fearing man more than I was "fearing the LORD"...pride.  I was desirous of man's approval more than I was desiring the LORD's approval...pride.  And it led not only to my own disappointment, but also to jealousy of Sweet Husband.  I desired approval and was envious of Sweet Husband when he got what I wanted!

James (a brother of Jesus and author of the book of James) would then look at me and say, "You adulterous woman!", as my passions were warring within me. (James 4: 1-4a)  But, thankfully, James doesn't stop there...with the pronouncement of my adulterous heart towards God.  He goes on to say, "Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, 'He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us'  But he gives more grace.  Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'  Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded...Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you."

How kind of the Lord that he gives more grace, because he yearns jealously for my spirit to worship and fear him.  How kind of the Lord that he does not leave me in my pride but, instead, he leads me to repentance where he lavishes upon me more grace.  How kind of the Lord that as I am humbled, he lifts me up...raises my countenance to "...once again praise him, my salvation and my God." (Psalm 42)

So...may the LORD continue to "search me and know my heart...to try me and know my thoughts...and see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"  (Psalm 139: 23-24)  And may I "...speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests [my] heart."  (1 Thessalonians 2: 4)

...and another thing...God was kind to lead me to confess to Sweet Husband that I had been jealous of him in my heart.  He did not hesitate to forgive me and encourage me in the Lord.   

...and He gives more grace.

 

   

i left my heart. in hudson-sisco...

This was a momentous week!  Hudson Jude Hedger made his inaugural visit to "The Friendly City"!  Sweet husband and I so enjoyed having our daughter, Bethany, and Hudson with us for an overnight visit.  Peter, our son-in-law was out of town on business...and we missed him.

Bethany and Hudson arrived at my office around lunchtime on Wednesday.  Martha, a co-worker, slobbered all over Hudson (totally understandable...he just has that effect on you).  Rob, my boss, admired Hudson from afar (it's okay...I'd worry if Rob slobbered).  Hudson was quite content through it all.  He just nestled into the shoulder of whoever was holding him.  Yep.  He's a little heart-stealer.

That evening, we enjoyed having dinner with Bethany and gazing at Hudson as he lay in his Moses basket.  We cherish these times to gather around the table and enjoy a meal...but, even more so, we enjoy each other. 

I'm so encouraged by how the Lord has grown Bethany in the past couple of years.  He has softened her heart toward Peter...which is reflected in her trust and submission to his leadership.  He is cultivating humility in her...which is reflected in her eagerness to confess sin, seek forgiveness and receive correction and counsel.  Fruit of the Spirit is evident in her life as God has tilled the soil of her heart and watered it with his Word.  I see love of God which spreads to family, friends, and church; joy in her difficult circumstances in caring for Hudson as Peter travels each week; the buds of peace as she fights to rest in God's sovereignty; gentleness in her words to others...I've seen the transforming power of the gospel in Bethany...and it's a beautiful thing!!

After dinner I got out some baby pictures of Bethany to see how they compared to Hudson.  What do you think?  Hudson at five days old is on the left.  Bethany at five days old is on the right.

  
And, speaking about Hudson...well...he's. just. fabulous!  Here are some pics of his visit to our sleepy little town.

    This is what Hudson did while we were eating.

I didn't serve his kind of fare.
    
    

Isn't that the most kissable mouth you've ever seen?!?

Who cares about food when this is on the table?!?

After dinner Hudson spent some time chatting with his grand-daddy (we still don't know what Sweet Husband is going to be called...any ideas?).

I think he felt confident that he got his point across.

He knew we were putty in his hands!

I loved his traveling ensemble today.

Hmmm...

...'nough photos for today! 

 

he liked it! hey, mikey!

Several weeks ago our daughter-in-law, Meggie...just love this girl who loves the Lord and loves our son; we couldn't have hand-picked a wife for him any better!; good reminder that trusting God is always the best option :-)...here they are...just too precious for words!...makes my heart hurt that New York is so darn far from Tennessee...but, I'm not going to grumble or complain...or weep...right now... :-)

Anyway...several weeks ago Meggie shared that she and Josh had begun a morning ritual called the "Green Smoothie" and she posted the recipe on her blog.  This really didn't come as too big of a surprise considering she and Josh are the most health conscience people I know...and "green smoothie" just has that "good for you" ring to it. 

Side note:  Anything that starts with "green" is definitely NOT anything that comes from below the Mason-Dixon Line.  All names and titles below the M-D Line begin with "fried"...now, you fellow southerners, don't be gettin' all defensive...you know it's true!

Back to the "Green Smoothie".  When I read the recipe my first thought was...when pigs fly is when that becomes a morning ritual at our house.  You see, Sweet Husband will do "green" as long as its green beans that have been cooked in bacon grease all day long.  Yep...they're "smooth", too...'cept in the South we call 'em slap yo' mama good!

But, Saturday morning as I prepared my grocery list, I had a flash of bravery (or was it insanity?) and I decided we should at least try the "green smoothie".  Meggie had said it was "good for Josh's cholesterol" and "nice for your digestion"...and Josh is only 27!!  Imagine how good and nice it would be for 50 and almost 50 year olds!!  We definitely needed to try this "green" thing.  And the sooner the better...

Sweet Husband enjoys going to the store with me, so he was along for the ride as I prepared to launch us into this new world of "green".  He wasn't too fazed when I put several different kinds of fruit in the cart.  But, when I reached for the flax seed, he thought aliens had overtaken my body between aisles three and four.  I assured him I was still fully in charge of my faculties and that he wouldn't even be able to taste it.  He muttered something under his breath about pop tarts remaining his breakfast food of choice.  I pretended not to hear him...as I grabbed another bag of flax seed.

So...this morning I got up and readied the blender for the smoothie makin's.  Talk about a full blender!!  Whoa!  My blender motor sounded a little strained at first...and I think I smelled an electrical burn...but, eventually everything was churning nicely...and thick-ly.  (I'm not real good at describing healthy stuff...)

Right after I poured Sweet Husband's smoothie into a glass he entered the kitchen.  He took one look at it and said, "There's no way I'm gonna drink all that!"  I said, "Well, just try it and see what you think."

He took a spoon (it's thick, I'm tellin' ya!) and scooped some into his mouth.  "Not bad," he said, "Not bad at all."  I proceeded to clean up the mess I had made...acting like I was not at all surprised that he wasn't gagging and threatening to hurl all over the kitchen floor.

He left the kitchen to gather his things to take to work and he returned, reached for his smoothie and said, "I'm gonna need to put this in a bigger glass to take with me."  What!?!  Hey, Mikey!  You like it?!?

I'm so proud of Sweet Husband!  So proud, in fact, that I might give him an extra spoonful of 'nana-puddin' tonight!

In the mean time...here's the recipe for green smoothies.  Try it...you might like it!

Green Smoothies

Splash o' OJ or Cranberry Juice
-Fill blender to the top with loosely packed spinach or kale
-2 carrots (very important for consistency...per Meggie)
-2 bananas (either 1 big and 1 small or 1 1/2 big)
-4 tablespoons Flax Seed (this is the "good and nice" part)
-A healthy handful / pour of frozen blueberries (if you use enough it won't look like you're enjoying a broccoli shake)
-Any other fruit you have lying around and have an early morning impulse to throw in.  Including but not limited to:
-Frozen Pineapple
-Strawberries (frozen or fresh)
-Kiwi
-Frozen Mango (I actually used OJ w/ Mango in it...I know...I was daring this first time around!)
-5ish ice cubes

ENJOY!!

it's for everyday. until that day...

It's Sunday.
My favorite day of the week.
We venture to Knoxville to church;
the church God led us to five years ago.
Cornerstone Church of Knoxville (CCK),
how thankful we are for you!

It's at CCK that we've been taught to cherish the gospel....
to apply the gospel...
to live the gospel...
to pray the gospel...
to preach the gospel to ourselves,
every. day.
instead of listening to ourselves...
our feelings.

It's at CCK that God has shown us
that church is not about
our being made much of.
It is about
making much of HIM!

It's at CCK that God has taught us
the importance of being Biblical...
looking for God in his Word,
listening to God in his Word,
learning about God in his Word,
and applying God's Word
to our lives.
  
Because...
 
"All Scripture is breathed out by God
and profitable
for teaching,
for reproof,
for correction, and
for training in righteousness,
that the man of God may be competent,
equipped for every good work."
2 Timothy 3:16-17

It's at CCK that God has taught us
that he created man and woman
equal in the image of God
but
different in role and function.
This isn't a popular truth.

But...

We can agree to disagree about that,
as long as we agree about
the gospel...
the main thing.

That God sent Jesus,
his only Son, to earth
to take on human flesh,
as a baby born to Mary, a virgin,
to live a perfect, yes,
a sinless life,
in order to fulfill the Law
and become the sacrifice without blemish,
to propitiate the wrath of God
which we deserved,
by dying a cursed criminal's death on a cross,
taking all of our sin upon himself,
enduring the outpouring of God's punishment,
satisfying God's justice in our place,
being buried, then
resurrected on the third day,
that we might be
justified,
forgiven,
accounted righteous,
adopted by God as
joint heirs with Christ. 

This is the gospel.

There is no other.

It's not for praying one time
and moving on...
It's for each moment
of every day.

Until...

He who began a good work in you
will bring it to completion
at the day of Christ Jesus.

time for lunch. or worship...

So...I came home for lunch today and after I had grabbed some Triscuits, cheese, and turkey pepperoni (it's actually not that bad!) I sat down at the table to begin nibbling. My computer was sitting in front of me on the table, because I was going to email some Hudson photos to myself at work. But, before I began sending photos to myself, I decided to check out Twitter and see what people were tweeting about.

Our oldest son, Josh, had tweeted about his favorite Aaron Keyes song and had included a link on which I clicked. Up came a You Tube video of Aaron Keyes singing his and Stuart Townend's setting of Psalm 62. We sing this song at our church, but, I wasn't familiar with the name Aaron Keyes...so I didn't realize the song would be familiar.

What a sweet providence from the Lord that I would "land" there during my lunchtime. My hour away from the office turned into a time of worship and thanksgiving. It was so wonderful! ...just too brief! How I pray that ALL my life would become worship!

Psalm 62
by Aaron Keyes and Stuart Townend

My soul finds rest in God alone,
my rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes,
and I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,
and lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness,
I’ll look to him who hears me.

O praise him, hallelujah, my delight and my reward;
Everlasting, never failing, my redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone
amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold
I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go,
don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow
are harvested in heaven.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone,
and trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul,
and he will prove his mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath,
a sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death
and I am his forever.

O praise him! O praise him! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

again. and again...

again.

he amazed me with his grace.
he wowed me with his creativity.
he humbled me with his mercy.
he reduced me with his greatness.

again.

he proclaimed his faithfulness.
he demonstrated his patience.
he whispered his sovereignty.
he revealed his glory.
 
i. am. undone.

again.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It has been an emotional week since I last posted.  Our first grandchild, Hudson Jude Hedger was born on May 7th at 8:01 a.m.  The only births up to that point that I had witnessed were our four children's...well...not exactly "witnessed" because I was working so hard to birth them!  

What a gift it was when Bethany and Peter invited me to participate in Hudson's birth.  It was an amazing experience that I'll never forget.  Bethany was such a trooper and Peter was the best cheerleader!

I wasn't sure what kind of emotions I would feel while watching my daughter endure labor and delivery.  I knew the pain she would feel.  I knew the discouragement that would creep in over time.  I knew the descent into "the valley of death" and the temptation to fear.  Sweet husband asked me if I really wanted to subject myself to watching our daughter endure one of the biggest challenges she would ever face.  He encouraged me to seriously think about if I would be able to handle it.

Seriously think about it, I did.  And my conclusion was, I wanted to be there for her.  There have been too many times I should have been there for her that I wasn't.  I didn't want to add to that list.

It was a 19 hour labor including three hours of pushing.  Bethany and Peter arrived at the hospital around 11:00 a.m. and Dr. Vick broke her water around 1:00 p.m.  From there on out we walked around the labor and delivery floor...ate popsicles that had really corny jokes on the sticks...tried to breathe through contractions...ate more popsicles with some ice chips mixed in between...got an epidural...tried to rest...ate more popsicles...you get the picture.

Bethany worked so hard to make sure Hudson arrived in the safest manner possible.  She asked great questions of her doctor (who was absolutely wonderful!!!) and each nurse who cared for her (Becky was our favorite...36 years on the job...what a jewel!!).  Nothing was done just because it always was.  Bethany and Peter took nothing for granted and routine was thrown out the window.  It was a lesson on taking your medical care into your own hands.  It was awesome!

Around hour 15 we were all tuckered out and high on adrenaline.  Bethany and I would doze off between contractions, but it was no time for sleeping!  

She started pushing at 5:00 a.m.  It wasn't long before we could see the top of Hudson's little head.  That was when I had to start fighting to keep my composure.  We would see some dark hair and my eyes would fill up.  I would bite my lip and grit my teeth...it worked for awhile.  Then his little head crowned and then his head was born and we could see his precious face and then the rest of him was born and he had ten little fingers and ten little toes and a precious little button nose and the cutest little ears and his slightly muffled whimper was enough to rip my heart out.  That's when I quit fighting and I just let my eyes drip...okay...gush. 


The doctor drew our attention to God's faithful care of Hudson upon examining the umbilical cord and seeing a "true knot" in the cord.  This is a situation that more times than not results in a stillbirth, because the knot gets pulled tight and the baby's blood supply is cut off.  It was a gentle reminder that God is the creator and sustainer of life...that it is he who numbers our days before there is one.


It was also a gentle reminder that as much as I love Hudson...God loves Hudson infinitely more.  As much as I look forward to teaching him fun finger plays and silly songs, playing games of kick-ball outside and making messes in the kitchen...what I look forward to most is telling him about God; and how his Heavenly Father who carefully protected him in the womb did not protect his own son, Jesus, from dying a heinous death on the cross...and how his Heavenly Father who wonderfully and fearfully knit him inside his mother's womb crushed his own son, Jesus, and put him to grief...so that Hudson might be accounted righteous and adopted as a fellow heir with Jesus Christ.

My prayer for Hudson is that God will continue to chase him with his goodness and mercy...that God will save him early in his life...and that Jesus will be his supreme treasure.

Bethany and Peter...thank you for trusting me to share this experience with you.  Hudson...to Life!

Here's the little man fresh out of the womb...wishing they'd put him back!

Proud Daddy Peter and Dr. Vick with Hudson.

We praise God for Dr. Vick!  What a godly man and a wonderful doctor!

Yep...you're reading that scale correctly... 9 lbs. 13 oz.

He's a hoss!!

Bethany holding her son, Hudson.  He only has eyes for her!

The "true knot".  

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!

Nothing sweeter to behold!

Welcome, Hudson Jude Hedger!

fear not. that's a mind-full...

We have a bird.  Not a pet bird.  More like a tenant bird.  She's a robin and she likes building her nests in one of the eaves of our house.

Sweet husband was not very pleased when she first decided a couple of years ago to build her home on our home.  He would take the nest down, hoping to encourage her to rebuild elsewhere.  But, within a day a new nest would be neatly in the place of the former.

Thinking that, perhaps, the momma bird wouldn't want to build her nest in an occupied site...one year sweet husband placed a small white ceramic rabbit on the ledge of the eave.  The next day, a perfectly woven nest lay next to the bunny, which actually looked like it was standing guard over the robin's castle. I'm sorry I didn't ever get a photo of that humorous set-up.

After that, sweet husband, resigned to defeat, decided to allow the occasional tenant to roost on our eave.

She's presently with us.  I've tried to take her picture several times to no avail.  She's camera shy.  But today, either I got lucky or she just decided to indulge me. 

I snapped a couple of photos and momma bird's patience was short-lived.  She flew away, all the while letting me know that she did not appreciate my persistent intrusion.  She stayed close-by, landing in a maple tree right across the driveway from her nest... 

 

...all the while chirping her disdain of my presence.  I didn't linger.  She needed to get back to her babies.

This has been a timely visit from our seasonal tenant, and God has used it to remind me of His intentional care for His children.  It's a reminder He knew I would need at this moment...in this season.

Jesus told His disciples, "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?... But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  (Matthew 6:26-27, 33-34)

My greatest sin struggle is fear.  I fear tight, closed-in spaces.  I fear heights.  I fear flying.  I fear rejection.  I fear failure.  I fear man.  It's truly a miracle that I'm not a hermit.  I think I could be a happy one...as long as I had plenty of room and was on the ground-floor.

Fear is debilitating.  It makes me incapable of a rational thought process, turning my mind into a cesspool of irrational, insane, immobilizing imaginations.  I can take the most innocent of situations and warp them into heinous hypothetical "what ifs"...and begin to panic because tragedy might be impending and I might not be able to control it!  

Thankfully, God brought a Biblical counselor named Tom Webb into my life and he challenged me to think intentionally...and to be aware of what I was thinking when I didn't have anything to think about.  Try it.  It's very telling about your heart when you become aware of where your mind goes in a lull of activity.

Jerry Bridges says in "Trusting God" (a book I need to read at least once a year!), "Obeying God is worked out within well-defined boundaries of God's revealed will.  Trusting God is worked out in an arena that has no boundaries." 

There is a reason that we are instructed in God's Word to "...take every thought captive in obedience to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5)  ...and to "Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."  (Colossians 3: 2-3)  ...and to intentionally think about "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable.  [whatever is] excellent and worthy of praise."  (Philippians 4: 8)  He wants us to have the "peace that surpasses all understanding [and] guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4: 7)...but, it comes at a cost...our fear.

So...as I've been pondering the momma bird and reminding myself that if God is caring for her how much more He is caring for His children... I am challenged to trust God to care for Josh and Meggie in Brooklyn, NY.  I am challenged to trust God to care for Bethany and Peter as they prepare to become parents to Hudson.  I am challenged to trust God to care for Jake and Loren as they wrestle with family planning and college ministry.  I am challenged to trust God to care for Drew as he fights to hate sin and stand firm on Christ, the solid rock.

I am challenged to...

“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand.
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”   (written by John Keith, 1787)