and is now a day away...
I have been, once again, drawn to self-examination.
What goals had I hoped to achieve during 2010?
What lifestyle changes had I planned to tackle in 2010?
What heart issues had I been compelled to inquire of the Lord
to examine for the upcoming 365 days?
Sadly, I don't even remember.
Perhaps I wrote the answers to the above questions
in a journal entry from 2009...
and I suppose I could get that journal and revisit that time
but, I dare say I would find my thoughts being quite the same.
Because at year's end, I have typically run the emotional gamut...
and have ended up falling too deeply into introspection;
the old narcissistic pool of pride that looks like this...
Sadness...another year gone.
Guilt...too many opportunities slipped past me.
Despair...why can't I follow through?
Defeat...I don't persevere in anything!
A few days ago I was drawn to meditate on Psalm 103:13-14,
"As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust."
In particular, the phrase "he remembers that we are dust"
seemed to reach out and grab me...
and in my pride and self-righteousness
I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me
when I am quick to get exasperated with Sweet Husband
to remember that he is dust.
(I know...you have to laugh to keep from crying...)
But, being the compassionate Father that God is,
he was ever-so-quick to redirect my misplaced attention
from my Sweet Husband's dustiness to my own...
and remind me that it is only when I am humbled by
God's compassion towards me in remembering my dustiness
that there will be less exasperation in my own heart
with what I perceive as Sweet Husband's dustiness.
So...what does this have to do with the price of tea in China
or the end of 2010 and beginning of 2011?
Reflecting over the past year and setting goals for a new year
are beneficial exercises, I think.
But, I need to be careful to see them
not through the defeating introspective lens of self-determination,
nor the judgmental idolatrous lens of self-exaltation,
but, through the redemptive and restorative lens of the gospel.
Perhaps then my emotional gamut would look something like this...
Sadness...another year gone
...turns to...
JOY..."For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Guilt...too many opportunities slipped past me
...turns to...
FREEDOM..."There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
Despair...why can't I follow through?
...turns to...
PEACE..."But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23
Defeat...I don't persevere in anything!
...turns to...
VICTORY..."No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39
So...as we, believers in and followers of Jesus Christ,
reflect on 2010 and anticipate 2011...
may we rejoice with exceeding joy
that it is GOD who is at work in us
both to will and to work for His good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13)
...and I will prayerfully seek to be patient,
kind, gentle, loving, unselfish, humble,
gracious and merciful towards Sweet Husband...
not because I'm mindful of his dustiness...
but, because God is infinitely compassionate to remember mine.
By grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone,
Happy New Year!
