No...not the surface stuff...
like a shiny new car, a few sparkling jewels,
seven or eight hours of uninterrupted sleep
(a shout-out to all you mommies of little ones!),
a gourmet meal or maybe just some Taco-Bell,
or an extended vacation to an exotic beach
where your very own cabana boy serves you
an endless run of fruity umbrella drinks...
(Sweet Husband rocks an Aloha shirt...just sayin')
What do you really desire...your heart's desire?
Paul Tripp says in Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands,
"What controls our hearts will exercise inescapable influence
over our lives and behavior...whatever rules our hearts will
control our behavior."
I've been pondering and sifting through my desires lately,
and I must say...they are very heart revealing.
You see, Sweet Husband and I have been going through a
care group leader training class called "Equipped."
Our church is rather large and there is no way the pastors
can provide individual care for each and every member.
So...we have care groups...led by church members
who have been trained through the "Equipped" class.
Let me say from the jump...
I leave each meeting realizing how unequipped
I am to provide care...
as at each class meeting we learn how to most effectively
care for the people who might one day be in our care group.
In what ways am I "unequipped"?
Well...I'm selfish, critical, prideful, rebellious, impatient, unteachable...
just to name a few.
Now...these did not come as a surprise.
These are sins I battle every day in some form or fashion.
What has set me "pondering and sifting," though,
is the way I've been frustrated with my sin...yet...
not really wanting to mortify, or kill, my sin...
which is evident when I dig below the surface to reveal
the true desire of my heart.
Now...desire is a good thing. God created us to desire.
But, when my desires grow and begin to rule and control my heart
they are no longer good, but sinful.
I am then desiring to rule my own kingdom, which "is in direct conflict
with the King who has come to rule in [my] heart." (P. Tripp)
So...what does it look like when my sinful desires rule my heart?
I am angry.
"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this,
that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so
you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.
You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive,
because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." (James 4:1-3)
I am critical. I am a self-righteous gossip and slanderer.
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not
notice the log that is in your own eye?" (Luke 6:41)
"When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent." (Proverbs 10:19)
I am prideful.
"For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul,
and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the LORD.
In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him,
all his thoughts are, 'There is no God.'" (Psalm 10:3-4)
I am self-centered, self-absorbed, self-possessed.
"And [Jesus] said, 'What comes out of a person is what defiles him.
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual
immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit,
sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness." (Mark 7:20-22)
So...how do I mortify or put to death these sinful desires
and cultivate desire as God intended?
I believe the answer is found here...
"For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear
good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not
gathered from thorn bushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble
bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces
good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil..."
(Luke 6:43-45)
It's all about treasure. What do I treasure in my heart?
Do I treasure my space, my time, my self, my thoughts, my words,
my ambitions, my image, my reputation, my...my...my...
If I'm treasuring myself...the fruit of my life will be all about me...
evidenced by complaining, criticizing, gossiping, coveting,
deceiving, envying, hating, philandering, lying.
"Wretched [woman] that I am! Who will deliver me from this body
of death?" (Romans 7:24)
This is typically where the battle can cease. I'll feel overwhelmed,
exhausted, spent...and put the final victory lap off until another day.
But, what God has been gently reminding me of is...
while the skirmishes are hard...sanctification (being conformed to the image
of Christ) is painful...the war has already been won on a
blood-splattered cross where Jesus died so I could live...really live...
out of the good news, hope, grace and mercy of the gospel.
This is where true satisfaction is found...where lasting treasure abides...
where desire reaps life instead of destruction.
Jesus said, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
(Matthew 6:21)
...thus, in turn...
"...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
(Matthew 12:34b)
So, as we're learning in "Equipped" to effectively care for people,
I'm reminded that effective and lasting care is not in coddling words
and quick solutions neatly bound and tied with a Bible verse and prayer.
It is about a humble repentance...a work of the Holy Spirit in each of us...
to get to the heart of the matter...
What am I treasuring more than Christ...
What am I believing instead of the gospel...
What do I really desire...my heart's desire?
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still.” A. W. Tozer
(prayer by A. W. Tozer found here)
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