For going on 28 years I've been married to Sweet Husband.
For going on 28 years his step-father, Ras, has never ceased to cause me great pains in my sides due to hysterical laughter brought on by his one-liners. He just throws 'em out in general conversation. You never know when one is about to hit your ears. There's really no way to prepare for the laughter that will overtake anyone within earshot. It just hits you. And you're toast.
I could try to type some examples for you...but, you would read them and be totally unaffected.
No...Ras has to be the deliverer or they just fall flat.
Okay...for example...Sweet Husband was telling some childhood story and obviously embellishing some details and Ras said, "Now, Mike, you know that's not true! Why, you'd rather climb a greasy pole to tell a lie than stand on the ground to tell the truth!"
You're probably not doubled over clutching your stomach in laughter right now...but, in the moment when he slings one out there...it's all over.
Ras is really the only person who has affected me this way...with his "sayings"...until Martha.
Let me precede the rest of this post by saying...I love Martha! You would, too, if you had the chance to be around her for...oh...about a minute or two. There is no doubt she's from East TN...from the first word that proceeds from her mouth. She loves Jesus and has such a sweet relationship with her granddaughter...loves her husband and her family. And, though I've only known her for a few months, I can tell that she is a faithful friend. I can learn much from her.
I work with Martha (the one who slobbered all over my grandson, Hudson) and she is what I would call a "HOOT"! I've laughed more in the few months we've worked together than in the rest of the three years before she joined the team.
I've also learned a lot during these months. Martha is very knowledgeable about many things...unusual things.
For instance, Martha is a big advocate for chiropractic care. Personally, I've never been to a chiropractor. But, Martha is convinced in her own mind that even though it sounds like "Voo-Doo Medicine" (her words), it's what has worked for her for years.
One day when I felt a nasty cold coming on, I decided to go to the health food store and purchase some colloidal silver to boost my immune system. When I returned to the office, Martha said, "Do you want me to strong arm you to tell how much you need to take?" Not having ever been "strong armed" I wasn't sure it would be a good idea. But, Martha was already halfway to my desk and didn't look like she was going to take "no" for an answer.
She reached me and took the bottle of colloidal silver and told me to hold it in my left hand over my heart. Done. She then told me to hold my rightt arm out to my side and resist her as she pushed down on it until I "went weak".
So, there I stood in the middle of our office clutching a bottle of colloidal silver to my heart (praying that nobody walked in the front door), while Martha was pumping my left arm like she was trying to pump water from a well. She pushed on my arm and after three pushes I couldn't hold my arm up anymore...I had "gone weak". So, she determined that I needed to take three teaspoons of colloidal silver. ...but, we weren't done.
She said she needed to strong arm me again to see how many times a day I needed to take those three teaspoons. I assumed the position again and she pumped my arm again...and I "went weak" after four pumps.
My instructions, then, were to take my colloidal silver three teaspoons, four times a day. I asked how long I should proceed in that manner and she said she'd check me again the next day.
The next day, first thing, she said, "Let's check and see how you're doing." I assumed the position and she strong armed me...and low and behold...I only needed two teaspoons, two times a day! ...and the next day I reduced it to once a day...and then I was feeling mucho better!
Now...I know this sounds incredibly crazy...and Martha would be the first to say..."I know this sounds incredibly crazy!" ...but, that is the one and only time in my life that I have ever gotten over a cold that quickly.
I just never know what I'm going to learn from Martha. Today's lesson was particularly insightful.
I was sitting at my desk doing some work and out of the blue I heard Martha say, "Ooo! My left hand is itchin'...must be gettin' some money soon!" Not really understanding what she said, I said, "What was that?" She said, "My left hand is itchin'...must be gettin' some money soon!"
I just laughed and said, "Where on earth did that come from?"
She said, "You haven't ever heard that? My momma used to say all the time, 'If your left hand itches, you're gonna be gettin' some money. If your right hand itches, you're gonna shake hands with a stranger. If your back itches, someone's either gonna give you some lovin' or a whoopin'...I prefer the lovin'. ...and if your feet itch, you're gonna walk on strange ground."
And all my momma told me was that if my nose was itching company must be coming. I didn't know that all my other itches held such possibilities!!
Martha...how have I made it without you all these years?!?
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